THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UMLAUT

"Umlaut" belongs on the list of words that aren't (but definitely sound) Yiddish . . . fibula (a tiny little lie), fistula (closing your hand tight to give someone a k'nock) and Philip Roth's favorite: spatula.  Yiddish words sometimes seem to convey their meaning just by the way they sound.  A "maideleh” is a young girl; what else could it possibly be?  It's soft and innocent, as opposed to the sharp sound of “nafkeh,” a prostitute.  It begins with an “n” (as in NO) and continues with an “f” for feh. “Shikker” means drunk, and it has a built-in “sh” (the drunk’s slur) and the harsh sound of the “k” in the middle.  The Yiddish look and sound of “umlaut” (it's German) brings out both the "um" (rhymes with English "doom") and the “laut.” Okay, okay, it helps that "laut" sounds like English “lout,” but it works perfectly coming from an angry wife at 2:00 a.m.: "You’re shikker and you've been with nafkehs, you no-good UMLAUT.”

Back to real life:  Gene Weingarten says that "the umlaut makes words look scary," and he gives as an example "Sänta Claüs."  (I'M scared; it looks predatory.)  Coincidentally enough, the USPS has suspended answering letters to Santa Claus because a pedophile tried to infiltrate the volunteers who write the responses. Now there's the guy who put the “laut” in “umlaut.” http://www.timesonline.co.uk/


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